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Here's your chance
to get back at the accounting profession!!! |
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Billable
hours... The lawyer dies, and somehow (s)he goes to heaven. As the attorney passes through the pearly gates, a crowd is waiting, cheering. The lawyer is amazed at the reception, and sees St. Peter in front of the crowd. "A special day!" St. Peter proclaims, "It's not every day that we get the opportunity to welcome someone here who has lived for a hundred and forty-five years!""Uh, a hundred and forty-five?", the lawyer muses aloud. "But, I was only fifty nine years old when I passed away."St. Peter looks concerned. "What's the meaning of this!" he exclaims. "Summon the Holy Accountant at once!"Very soon a nebbish looking angel appears, peering through bi-focals and frantically flipping the pages of a very large ledger book."I don't understand where I could have made a mistake," the Holy Accountant says, "I added up his billable hours ..." |
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| Taxpayer
dilemma... A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied. Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie." Confused, the man went to his Rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the Rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V-neck right down to your navel." The man protested, "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?" To which the Rabbi replied, "No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed." |
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Sleepy
accountant... An accountant was having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" the doctor asked, to what the accountant replied: "That's the problem! I make a mistake and spend 3 hours trying to find it." |
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| Top
ten... Why did the accountant cross the road? "Here are the top 10 responses. 1.To open a consulting practice. 2.What else does an accountant do for fun? 3.To count the chickens. 4.Because the lawyers were on the first side. 5.It was April 15th and the bar was on the other side. 6.So he could charge the client for travel expenses. 7.The client told him to. 8.Because that's what was done in the prior year. 9.To bore the people on the other side. 10.Because he just broke GAAS on the first side |
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